My first day of kindergarten was not a good experience. You're probably thinking it is because I had separation anxiety or maybe there was a little mini-bully. Good guesses, but no. The real reason is because I didn't learn how to read on the first day. Apparently, what I had picked up on over the weeks leading up to the beginning of my education was that kindergarten is where you learn to read. Obviously I missed the memo that it takes longer than one day. I have always had the tendency to be an overdramatic, need-to-have-all-my-ducks-in-a-row kind of girl.
I still feel this irritation begin to emerge as I am trying to learn to be an adult. I want to be the "good" kind of adult that is selfless and responsible. The kind that effortlessly blends childlike zest for life with a mature sense of self and the world. And the six year old inside of me WANTS IT NOW!!!
I need to learn a lesson from my kindergarten self: one doesn't learn to read in a day and neither does one learn to be an adult overnight. If I were already perfectly responsible there would be no "quarter-life crisis." The key is to keep the good parts of being a kid (catching fireflies, sleeping in and watching cartoons on saturdays, dreaming) and cut out the bad (avoiding veggies, throwing tantrums because you didn't learn how to read, sticking silly putty up your nose). I think if we master that, we're better off than a lot of "adults."
In the words of our good friends from Scrubs, "I thought growing up was something that happened automatically as you got older. But it turns out it's something you have to choose to do."*
*borrowed from the blog Playing Grown Up
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Adultland
I always knew that I'd be a really good grown-up. I'm an old soul, or so I'm told. While everyone was being rebellious in high school and out partying in college, I was dreaming of a cozy little home to come back to after a long day of saving the world via social work. My friends were busy working their way up the popularity totem pole while I lamented the world's seeming lack of kindred spirits.
Okay, I suppose I'm making myself sound like a complete nerd. I wasn't a nerd, per se, I just refused to follow the crowd when it came to ridiculous adolescent behavior. It caused me a lot of grief. I always had conflicting emotions between what popular culture said I should be like and who I really was or wanted to be. Still, I never compromised. Sometimes I feel the urge to make up for it a bit...but I'm all too sensible for that.
Instead, I waited out my time. It's steadily gotten better, and now I'm at a place I love. High school....blah. College....definitely not a bad time. Adultland....I'm hitting my stride. I hear that once you become a thirty something, most of that nagging self-consciousness goes away. One can only dream. For now, TwentySomething is just peachy.
Okay, I suppose I'm making myself sound like a complete nerd. I wasn't a nerd, per se, I just refused to follow the crowd when it came to ridiculous adolescent behavior. It caused me a lot of grief. I always had conflicting emotions between what popular culture said I should be like and who I really was or wanted to be. Still, I never compromised. Sometimes I feel the urge to make up for it a bit...but I'm all too sensible for that.
Instead, I waited out my time. It's steadily gotten better, and now I'm at a place I love. High school....blah. College....definitely not a bad time. Adultland....I'm hitting my stride. I hear that once you become a thirty something, most of that nagging self-consciousness goes away. One can only dream. For now, TwentySomething is just peachy.
The Vent Session
I went out with some lovely friends recently. These friends are at a similar life stage as I am and it was ridiculously refreshing. We spent the majority of our time together just whining about the impending change looming in front of us. But, if you know anything about girls, it was exactly what I needed. Boys punch things, girls whine. It's just a law of the universe.
Most people in my life at the moment cannot identify with where I'm at. Coworkers are much older with families already, friends have been out of college and in the working world for several years...or have several years left in college. Mr. Twentysomething has his whole life figured out and really can't understand my qualms. Everyone assures me that "it will be fine and you will adjust"....but, really, when did that kind of advice ever help anyone?
"It's okay that you have elephantiasis, Pam. Everything will be fine. Don't worry, you'll adjust!"
So, needless to say, some good whining was just the ticket. In other words, rumination...aka. think and talk about something until there's nothing left to be said and you want to gag at the thought of mentioning the topic one more time. Girls are known the world over for doing this. Boys ignore the problem and play video games or sports; girls ruminate. Just having someone that knows exactly what you're going through gives a sense of community and like you're not the only one that's freaking out about this huge life change.
I admit, I probably overreact to the situation at times. But, this has, by far, been the most fear-inducing event in my life. I am all about stability and simplicity, and this is anything but. The simple conclusion that we came to, but one that is probably the hardest to implement is the old saying, "roll with the punches." Many times in my life I have found that it is better to go with the flow and not hold so tightly to what we know or what we want. The fact is, college was not like high school and post-grad will not be like college, but it can still be good. Preconceived ideas of what life SHOULD be like and unrealistic expectations have always plagued me. As much as I liked my time as a college student, things change. They are neither good nor bad, just different (wow, Confucius anyone?) And I have to learn to be flexible. Don't worry...I'll keep you posted.
But for now, I'll leave you with more wisdom from my mother, "...you don't want to be one of those people that never leaves college." Thanks mom!
Most people in my life at the moment cannot identify with where I'm at. Coworkers are much older with families already, friends have been out of college and in the working world for several years...or have several years left in college. Mr. Twentysomething has his whole life figured out and really can't understand my qualms. Everyone assures me that "it will be fine and you will adjust"....but, really, when did that kind of advice ever help anyone?
"It's okay that you have elephantiasis, Pam. Everything will be fine. Don't worry, you'll adjust!"
So, needless to say, some good whining was just the ticket. In other words, rumination...aka. think and talk about something until there's nothing left to be said and you want to gag at the thought of mentioning the topic one more time. Girls are known the world over for doing this. Boys ignore the problem and play video games or sports; girls ruminate. Just having someone that knows exactly what you're going through gives a sense of community and like you're not the only one that's freaking out about this huge life change.
I admit, I probably overreact to the situation at times. But, this has, by far, been the most fear-inducing event in my life. I am all about stability and simplicity, and this is anything but. The simple conclusion that we came to, but one that is probably the hardest to implement is the old saying, "roll with the punches." Many times in my life I have found that it is better to go with the flow and not hold so tightly to what we know or what we want. The fact is, college was not like high school and post-grad will not be like college, but it can still be good. Preconceived ideas of what life SHOULD be like and unrealistic expectations have always plagued me. As much as I liked my time as a college student, things change. They are neither good nor bad, just different (wow, Confucius anyone?) And I have to learn to be flexible. Don't worry...I'll keep you posted.
But for now, I'll leave you with more wisdom from my mother, "...you don't want to be one of those people that never leaves college." Thanks mom!
The "Good Life"
I
hate
being
a
grownup.
It's really a ridiculous concept and I'm thinking about boycotting it altogether. Never in history have people been required to work this hard. Let me explain before I get the "uphill both ways, barefoot" stories. Yes, in ages past, people worked long hours and more physically demanding jobs. But when work was over, it was over. There was time for family and big meals and sleep. Now, I literally have less than thirty minutes a day to do anything leisure related. (In fact, I should be studying right now. )My grandma's generation was lucky to get through high school in a rural town. My parents only needed a solid bachelor's degree. Now, you'll be hard pressed to find a job of any marketable value unless you have a graduate degree...which is time consuming and miserable (and I haven't even started yet).
Here's a typical day in the life of Mrs. Twentysomething:
7:30-wake up and get ready for class
8:30-2:00-class
2:30-4:00-staff meeting
4:00-5:00-finish 1/10 of my homework
5:00-6:30-make and eat dinner
6:30-7:00-clean up after dinner to some miserably insufficient extent
7:00-8:30-study for GRE and/or look for new job
9pm-9am-overnight shift at work (I get to sleep...some)
*in between I cram in whatever flash cards I can study or fold laundry that's reaching the height of a third grader.
7:00-start all over
REALLY?!?! All I want to do is get a degree in counseling so I can help people. Obviously, it is important to know what you're doing...but this pattern that is becoming more and more essential in our society is completely absurd. Our families and relationships are suffering because of unrealistic expectations regarding time and goals. Our health is taking a hit because we are short on sleep and exercise and high on stress. We have little time for friends or social events because we're always "on-call" or doing research, or working late. Where have our priorities gone? Is this really what America has become? I think it's sick honestly. The only reason I intend to put up with it is to, hopefully, end up doing what I feel passionate about, with a schedule that I WILL NOT let ruin relationships.
Even so, I always have to fight it. I can easily become enamored with the glitter and attractiveness of searching after "the good life." But, in the end...what's so good about it?
hate
being
a
grownup.
It's really a ridiculous concept and I'm thinking about boycotting it altogether. Never in history have people been required to work this hard. Let me explain before I get the "uphill both ways, barefoot" stories. Yes, in ages past, people worked long hours and more physically demanding jobs. But when work was over, it was over. There was time for family and big meals and sleep. Now, I literally have less than thirty minutes a day to do anything leisure related. (In fact, I should be studying right now. )My grandma's generation was lucky to get through high school in a rural town. My parents only needed a solid bachelor's degree. Now, you'll be hard pressed to find a job of any marketable value unless you have a graduate degree...which is time consuming and miserable (and I haven't even started yet).
Here's a typical day in the life of Mrs. Twentysomething:
7:30-wake up and get ready for class
8:30-2:00-class
2:30-4:00-staff meeting
4:00-5:00-finish 1/10 of my homework
5:00-6:30-make and eat dinner
6:30-7:00-clean up after dinner to some miserably insufficient extent
7:00-8:30-study for GRE and/or look for new job
9pm-9am-overnight shift at work (I get to sleep...some)
*in between I cram in whatever flash cards I can study or fold laundry that's reaching the height of a third grader.
7:00-start all over
REALLY?!?! All I want to do is get a degree in counseling so I can help people. Obviously, it is important to know what you're doing...but this pattern that is becoming more and more essential in our society is completely absurd. Our families and relationships are suffering because of unrealistic expectations regarding time and goals. Our health is taking a hit because we are short on sleep and exercise and high on stress. We have little time for friends or social events because we're always "on-call" or doing research, or working late. Where have our priorities gone? Is this really what America has become? I think it's sick honestly. The only reason I intend to put up with it is to, hopefully, end up doing what I feel passionate about, with a schedule that I WILL NOT let ruin relationships.
Even so, I always have to fight it. I can easily become enamored with the glitter and attractiveness of searching after "the good life." But, in the end...what's so good about it?
The Autumn Morning
It's a lovely morning.
I'm drinking a pumpkin spice latte and all is well in my autumnal world.
I'm feeling rather melancholy and thought of something wise that Mr. Twentysomething said the other day. Basically...people mature to the level at which their environment demands. Life circumstances are the catalyst that causes us to "grow up." He has first hand experience with this. He was essentially forced to live on his own at fifteen because of a series of unfortunate events. Thus, he has had to rise to the occasion. He wasn't given the luxury of someone taking care of him or babying him through school or college. He has worked, payed bills, and made it through college on his own. A few years ago, that was something I could never dream of doing.
This has been an interesting idea for me. I have been feeling overwhelmed with school, preparing for graduate school, working, and trying to still do the marriage thing with some amount of grace. It's all been a lot for me and my natural inclination is to be a perfectionist until I can't sustain it any longer and fall off the face of the planet or cut out some huge chunk of my life just to keep my head above water. Obviously, none of those things can just be cut out at this point in my life. So, I've been contemplating that thought and agree with him. I come from a wonderful family and one that has always supported me. I have never had to really do anything that was challenging. In fact, someone has always been there to help out if things ever got too stressful. This is my chance to use my circumstances to grow up. I have the option of falling apart and hacking out a piece of my life or stepping up. But why go without something wonderful and/or necessary when I could learn to handle stress better?
I'm not advocating taking on a multitude of activities just to prove something to yourself. In fact, I am a huge proponent for simplification (I'll probably post about that soon as well...because I've been thinking about that lately too). However, when things can't be gotten rid of (like marriage, school, and work), I challenge you to look at your situation as a chance to rise to the occasion. And by "rise to the occasion" I don't mean be the best in your career or graduate with honors. It is far more than that. It is living with integrity, kindness, and quiet trust despite what we're going through. It's about building character and putting away childish ways of reacting when we don't get what we want. We are made up of more strength than we realize and don't have to fall apart in the midst of crazy schedules or hard life circumstances.
Remember..."He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness."
Here's to a crazy, beautiful fall season.
