Today Mr.TwentySomething and discussing an article I had been given a few years ago. We found it as we were going through our bedroom and trying to de-clutter in order to finally decorate after eight months!
The article is entitled "Passive Men and Wild Women." The idea is that men, in their relationship with their wives, tend to be inactive, inarticulate, and withdrawn...PASSIVE. Women, in turn, puts on the pressure in order to feel some kind of connectedness, which causes her husband to retreat further. It finally ends with the remedy. First is the realization that men and women are different. At times, we must try to see things from a different viewpoint And second, it takes hard work. This is how the author explains it, "It's not just talking; it’s also listening. And not just listening, but also hearing. Not just hearing, but also responding, calmly and kindly." In other words, acting unselfishly in your partnership.
Speaking of the difference between men and women, here's how our conversation ended:
Me: That was such a good article! We should save it and read over it every now and then.
Mr. T: I just threw it in the trash and put a booger on it.
Showing posts with label men are from mars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men are from mars. Show all posts
The Ugly Truth
I have never realized what a girl I was. I mean, obviously I am biologically female...but I was always kind of viewed myself as the exception to the nurturing, needs-affection kind of girl.
I was wrong.
It's all started to come out now that I have a boy...a point of reference, if you will. As I mentioned before, I grew up in a fairly matriarchal household. Even my pets were female. All of my best friends have been female. I was pretty stand off-ish when it came to guys, unless they approached me first. Therefore, it wasn't until college that I really started having more substantial friendships with guys.
The first thing that stood out to me was how much they eat. It's shocking really. My husband eats twice as much as me. He's like a two year old. It's been a challenge learning to feed him. No longer can I make my signature Spinach Quiche. I gotta throw some cow on the side. RIP Shells and Cheese! Rarely can dinners be whipped up quickly...it always requires roasting, grilling, or marinating.
Anyway, I digress....This was just the beginning of my confusion. Like I was saying, the real shock came when I began to realize the other striking differences between men and women. I have a strong willed personality. When something is not "as it should be," I challenge it. This trait led me to believe that I would have no mothering skills whatsoever. Everyone knows a dominant woman is a poor mother. Turns out, now that I have a boy, I weep constantly. Clearly, I'll be a terrific mom. Rest at ease.
The truth is, I never had the opportunity to take care of something. Being the baby of the family and so protected by my mom, nurturing was something that people did for me, not vice versa. It wasn't until I've had to take care of this massive two year old that I realize it's really down in there. I began cooking and cleaning more. I give massages and lend a listening ear. I snuggle like I've never snuggled before. And I absolutely love it! It's really comforting initially, but it kind of opened another "girly" door that I'm not so thrilled about.
Pandora's box: Hi, my name is Mrs.TwentySomething and I am an affection addict.
We've all heard it: men want sex, women want affection. I am all woman. I kind of always promised myself that I wouldn't be that girl. Well, all you ladies out there that think you're the exception...you might be. But for the REST of us 90%, it's programmed in. We want it and will often not be on the same page as our partner. I've been finding myself to resorting to those infamous feminine wiles to get my drug. Sometimes it's affective. Other times, it leads to my third finding....
Men really are clueless. The just don't get it. They don't notice things like girls. Here was our conversation today:
Him: Hi. How was your day?
Me: Good (upset that he's not noticing my dark eye makeup)
Him: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing
Him: Okay
----30 minutes later-----
Him: Are you sure you're okay?
Me: (tears)
Him: I didn't know!
Me: How could you not know!
They just don't get it. Apparently he wants me to tell him explicitly what I want from him. Go figure. So girls, cut them some slack. Obviously I need some work in that department as well. Luckily, I have a great guy who truly does try. We're learning that I have to give up the whole mysterious-youshouldbeabletoreadmymind thing and he has to learn to listen to my feelings even if he doesn't "get it".
It's the age old struggle. Mars vs. Venus. The world may never know.
I was wrong.
It's all started to come out now that I have a boy...a point of reference, if you will. As I mentioned before, I grew up in a fairly matriarchal household. Even my pets were female. All of my best friends have been female. I was pretty stand off-ish when it came to guys, unless they approached me first. Therefore, it wasn't until college that I really started having more substantial friendships with guys.
The first thing that stood out to me was how much they eat. It's shocking really. My husband eats twice as much as me. He's like a two year old. It's been a challenge learning to feed him. No longer can I make my signature Spinach Quiche. I gotta throw some cow on the side. RIP Shells and Cheese! Rarely can dinners be whipped up quickly...it always requires roasting, grilling, or marinating.
Anyway, I digress....This was just the beginning of my confusion. Like I was saying, the real shock came when I began to realize the other striking differences between men and women. I have a strong willed personality. When something is not "as it should be," I challenge it. This trait led me to believe that I would have no mothering skills whatsoever. Everyone knows a dominant woman is a poor mother. Turns out, now that I have a boy, I weep constantly. Clearly, I'll be a terrific mom. Rest at ease.
The truth is, I never had the opportunity to take care of something. Being the baby of the family and so protected by my mom, nurturing was something that people did for me, not vice versa. It wasn't until I've had to take care of this massive two year old that I realize it's really down in there. I began cooking and cleaning more. I give massages and lend a listening ear. I snuggle like I've never snuggled before. And I absolutely love it! It's really comforting initially, but it kind of opened another "girly" door that I'm not so thrilled about.
Pandora's box: Hi, my name is Mrs.TwentySomething and I am an affection addict.
We've all heard it: men want sex, women want affection. I am all woman. I kind of always promised myself that I wouldn't be that girl. Well, all you ladies out there that think you're the exception...you might be. But for the REST of us 90%, it's programmed in. We want it and will often not be on the same page as our partner. I've been finding myself to resorting to those infamous feminine wiles to get my drug. Sometimes it's affective. Other times, it leads to my third finding....
Men really are clueless. The just don't get it. They don't notice things like girls. Here was our conversation today:
Him: Hi. How was your day?
Me: Good (upset that he's not noticing my dark eye makeup)
Him: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing
Him: Okay
----30 minutes later-----
Him: Are you sure you're okay?
Me: (tears)
Him: I didn't know!
Me: How could you not know!
They just don't get it. Apparently he wants me to tell him explicitly what I want from him. Go figure. So girls, cut them some slack. Obviously I need some work in that department as well. Luckily, I have a great guy who truly does try. We're learning that I have to give up the whole mysterious-youshouldbeabletoreadmymind thing and he has to learn to listen to my feelings even if he doesn't "get it".
It's the age old struggle. Mars vs. Venus. The world may never know.
